It's only rock and roll, but I like it ... except for ...

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As witnesses and reporters of todays' pop culture, NB Beat staffers are more than simply adept at identifying trends in the music industry. They are also keenly aware of the human psyche. Years of humiliation and abuse by upper levels of management here at the NB Beat nerve centre have given staffers insight into the human mind and they know what makes people tick.

Among the myriad of discoveries into the human condition NB Beat staffers have identified two major sources of human enjoyment: complaining and lists.

This week NB Beat serves double duty as we present a list of stuff we like to bitch about.

We here at NB Beat are like Joan Jett. We love rock and roll, so much so that we are willing to put another dime in the jukebox, baby. But rock and roll ain't all good. It's not dead but there are days when it looks like rock and roll is circling the drain.

This week NB Beat has compiled a list of what's wrong with rock and roll these days.

The Disney Farm "" it's a little known secret that Miley Cyrus, Jessica Simpson, Dani Lovato and their ilk were secretly raised as genetic experiments in a Disney controlled attempt to homogeonize music. Unfortunately kids are drinking the Kool Aid. The thought of tweens of today growing up wanting to rock as hard as Hannah Montana gives me nightmares. Where's Chrissy Hynde when you need her?

MP3s "" I love my iPod, I really do. It's changed the way we listened to music, but have you ever taken the time to actually listen to the sound quality of a digital file? Because of how digital music is delivered (and we're not going to dig deep into the science) dynamic range and emotional context is all but lost. Digital files sound louder on smaller systems but lose all of the nuance. Oh for the days of my monster headphones, a clean stylus and a good LP.

Record companies "" Face it you greedy bastards, you've pretty much killed your own industry. By holding 100 per cent stake in the channels of music distribution for so long, major record labels controlled who got signed, whose record got played on the radio and whose record made it to the front rack of the record store. Because the majors are so tied to shareholder happiness they could no longer risk developing talent and simply signed and promoted artists that would come out of the gate with a huge hit single. Tom Petty needed three records to get his first hit when he started. He'd be dead in the water if he launched his career today and we'd be out some great albums.

Hipsters "" They are the subculture that nobody claims to being a member of. Oh you nutty kids and your T-shirts rife with irony. I love indie music with all of my bitter and black heart, but I follow it because of a love of exciting new music. For some the journey appears to be finding the most obscure bands ever, just to be cool. Apparently in some circles if you can drop the name of a band nobody's heard of you win.

Commercial Radio "" I'm old and have fond memories of my first days listening to music on a big tube radio. Back in them thar days we didn't have stations that stuck to formats like "classic rock," "today's lite hits," and "new country." Radio was a wonderful gumbo of genres and styles. Over the course of an hour I can recall hearing the Beatles, Louis Armstrong and Johnny Cash on the same station. Today you'd have to search for three separate stations to hear each of those wonderful artists. Myles Davis perhaps put it best when he split music into two specific genres: good music and bad music. Perhaps commercial radio should chill out and do the same.

"We've always wanted to play smaller markets." - Have you noticed that some pretty big names have been touring around these parts in the past few years? Elton John, Bon Jovi and Guns and Roses have all made forays into our neck of the woods lately. Have you also noticed that these tours have come in the face of a drastic decline in record sales? File sharing has killed huge revenue streams for artists and they have to hit the road to keep the money coming in. If they wanted to play smaller centres when they were actually selling records they would have been here. Now more than ever big name acts have to sing for their supper and I say "let them eat dulse!"

Autotune "" Fun fact: The technology behind autotune was developed for the field of seismic exploration but it took a fossil to make it enter pop culture awareness. When Cher released Believe in 1998, part of the appeal was a robotic warble in the voice that modulated between sharp and flat. Autotune was originally a record producers' secret tool for pitch correcting a less than perfect singer. (Case in fact, Rosie O'Donnell put out a Christmas CD.) Autotune quickly became the "me too" gimmick for hip hop, R&B and even punk records ultimately culminating in T-Pain's career. I swear that guy must fart in Autotune. Enough, we get it, now stop. Except for Autone the News, the only acceptable use for Autotune. Katie Couric is better Autotuned,

Apathy - Saint John recently lost an important venue and I'm sure that Moncton and Fredericton have live music venues teetering on the edge of financial solvency as well. Scenes and artists need people to get out and see shows if anything is going to happen. I freely admit my share of blame in this. If we want a vibrant music scene in our cities we need to get out and see live music. Take some risks and see a band you've never heard of, you may be pleasantly surprised and perhaps someday you can say "I used to see them way back when, before they got famous."

If your NB based musical act, event or venue would like to be featured in this column, please contact the columnist at oneyearofnbmusic@yahoo.ca