Premier Need-Nose chooses casino location
But only after someone leaked on it.
Greeeen Acres is da place to be!
Just let me at dat VLT!
Odds, spreadin' out so far and wide!
Keep Monkeytown jus' gimme dat countryside . . .
You gots to forgive Homard for practicing his singing today cause he got to get his voice-box nice and greased-up for audition.
Homard figure they gonna need lots of singers, dancers, strip-teasers, bartenders and goons at this casino out by the Magnetic Personality Hill in Monkeytown and he's some excite!
But now Homard got to get himself qualify for one of them cushy jobs so practice, practice practice.
Which is why Homard is singing and not practicing for goon job.
Just go out an try to get anyone up here in Cap-Engorge-sur-Mer to let you do batting practice on them with baseball bat. Also, no one around here can afford to own a friggin' horse, so none of them around to practice cutting its head off and put it in the somebody's bed.
Anyways, just so long as it not one of them shit-shoveling job.
Might be lots of those too if what Homard is hearing about the site for the new casino is true.
It is supposed to be at a place call Green Acres which some say used to be a trailer park but Homard figger mebbe it's that farm where they used to have the TV show about the little pig, Arnold Ziffle.
Maybe little Arnold gonna have a job there too, just like for cow-patty bingo game, same as they got at the Miramichi Exhibitionist All-Nudie Country Fair every year, 'cept with pig-doin's instead of cow-flop.
Speaking of shoveling up a big pile of poop, Homard got to wonder about all the politic for where to put that casino.
Homard heard Premier Needle-Nose didn't want to say where it was gonna be until after all the excitement about the municipal erection subsided down, but then the casino 'proponents,' which is a 50-cent word for a bunch of guys from New York wit names like 'Vinny,' decided they were gonna announce it first by takin' a news leak onto it.
So then poor Needle, he didn't have no choice but beat them to the punch.
And he didn't like that for shore, cause the Saint Johners wanted it real bad too and now he's got to give them two more refineries and their own bisexual hospital board just like Bathurst.
Meanwhile the Atlantic Loitery Corporation also pissed off cause they wanted to run the casino instead of 'bunch of guys name Vinny' but Needle said "no friggin' way cause then we got to share with Halifax, where the casino suck and besides, Roddy Mac-Friggin-The-Donald, you played the arsehole over trade-barrier beers that time and Needle got a mammary as long as his beak so here's your payback. Arsehole." And Homard quote. That's exackly what Needle said, according to the unreliable supernatural resources.
But anyways they are saying that Needle had his needle pointed at the Magnetic Hill for casino all along.
Homard is a little bit suspicious on that, especially if they got roulette, which got a little ball which is made of steel, eh?
Homard figger all Vinny got to do is turn on that great big grosse magnet they got buried in the hill and the house win every friggin' time.
Not much wonder Finance Minister Victory Boudreau got a municipal erection of his very own about that casino!!
With extra $25 million every year he'll put the taxes down in no time!
Homard figger if you take a bet on that, Needle and Vinny will want you to come and visit them with all the suckers from the Island, all up on the Magnetic Hill/Anne of Green Acres Casino and Resort.
Homard Simson is a part-time 'smelt entrepreneur,' not to mention owner/operator of the Cap-Engorge-Sur-Mer Texas Hold 'Em Strickly for Charities Responsible Gaming Palais But Definitely Not Casino.
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