Is Canada a constitutional monarchy, or a republican democracy in waiting? Or is it something unique, something typically between the extremes?

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Alec Bruce

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Am I the only red-blooded Canadian male who found Vice-Roy Michaelle Jean, posing in an army general's uniform, saluting the troops on Remembrance Day, totally hot? I mean, of course, she must have been warm underneath that boiled-wool suit festooned with medals she hasn't earned, and piping she doesn't deserve. The beret, though, was a nice touch. I'm waiting for Wal-Mart to issue a cut-rate line for Christmas. Lord knows, I loves me my Wal-Mart, O Canada!

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A new booklet issued by the current office-holders in Ottawa instructs immigrants hoping to become citizens to recognize and honour Canada's proud military traditions: The War of 1812, when we burned Washington to the ground; the rebellions of 1837 and 1839, after which "responsible government" rewarded rich landowners with the right to expropriate treaty lands from the dregs of the Iroquois Nation; the first world war, in which countless, expendable Maritimers, Newfoundlanders and Albertans lost their lives in European trenches; the second world war, in which countless Canadians went to the bottom of the ocean during the Battle of the Atlantic; the Afghanistan "mission", whose purposes and consequences have yet to be properly measured and fully mourned.

Still, Michaelle, that hat was sick! Props to ya, sweet thang!

Am I a disrespectful subject of the Queen of England? After all, I injure the status, if not reputation, of her duly appointed representative in Canada. And isn't dear Elizabeth our Head of State, our Monarch in abstention? Do I deserve the public stocks or the public square? Do I, as Jefferson once wrote, deserve "angels in the form of kings" to govern the affairs of people. Or shall I deposit my patrons at the curb of history?

The pomp and circumstance of Canada's most recent attempt to honour its war dead, and soldiers on the ground, at sea, and in the air, is a pathetic joke. Our military men and women have endured "" without mandate, materiel and allied muscle "" for eight, long years in a part of the world where mountain goats fear to tread. There, tribal leaders play deadly, primate games. For at least 2,000 years, they've believed in the glory of battle; they've relished their losses as much as their victories.

Afghanistan has never been conquered or cowed.

Oddly, neither has Canada, but for different reasons.

Every good, civilizing idea we've had, we've squandered. Universal health care? We can't afford it. Early childhood education? That's somebody else's business. Social safety net? Employment Insurance won't help you. Environmental stewardship? Talk to the tar sands. Community economic development? Check with your local "boss" to see which way the political winds blow. And, oh, don't forget to bring your membership card, a pick, a shovel and an unregistered long-gun to the job site just in case a "liberal" coyote should appear looking to rip out your hard-working throat.

And through it all emerges the monarchy, just in time to confirm (once again) that we cannot be trusted with our own affairs. We are 142 years old and still children in the eyes of Buckingham Palace, our major allies, and ourselves. We adore the Queen. We wonder why Prince Charles talks to plants. We admire his wife, Camilla. We're haunted by Diana's untimely death.

But the Queen is still the Queen "" our collective mother.

And what do we do for our mothers?

We dress ourselves in the uniforms they don't deserve to see "" the ones they couldn't possibly understand "" the ones that turn a boy into a man, a girl into a woman, a child into an adult.

Alec Bruce is a Moncton-based writer. He may be reached via www.thebrucereport.com.